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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Baron's Brain: All The President's Dead Brain Cells

A Peach reader recently sent us this video clip. It led the Brain down a long list of tangential questions and into wondering why this government makes more enemies than friends and basically doesn't care about it. The Brain has a theory. See if you can follow the Brain Train of logic.

OK, the president claims he doesn't read because he doesn't need to know what other people think, which basically leaves him perpetually ill-informed (does the Brain have to bring up that Iraq thing again?). He is also incapable of speaking unless everything is scripted and thoroughly rehearsed. That's why, at speaking engagements, all his handlers have to do is pull a string and watch his jaws flap. Finally, he would rather be (what he calls) direct, instead of engage in any form of meaningful dialogue. This subsequently allows him the convenience of sidestepping the need to think about anything. The Brain has closely examined this video, has watched the president on TV, repeating his talking points ad infinitum, has pondered all of the above, and has finally come to a revelation. Our Fearless Leader just isn't that smart.

Think about it. If you were as sharp as a bowling ball you would not only walk away from any form of intelligent discourse, you would avoid it like the plague. Well, let's take it one step further and play connect the dots. If you were that brain-dead and KNEW IT, you would work pretty hard to conceal your shortcomings. So what do you do? You basically start off by angering all the intelligent leaders of the free world so they won't speak to you, which ultimately prevents them from discovering that you're a complete nincompoop. You then befriend leaders of obscure, barely-developing nations (with the exception of Italy, but hey, their PM's are all criminals) because you realize they're unable to discern just how dull-witted you are.

Finally, you isolate our nation to prevent anyone outside from seeing that your supporters are almost uniformly mentally challenged. Meanwhile, within our borders, you work to assure these same supporters that they are the real America (the Brain asks all readers to take a close at Bushies. Doesn't it look as if their eyes are a little too close together?).

In any case, watch the video and listen for the laughter in the background. It's really embarassing, isn't it? This is the leader of the free world. God help us.

Baron's Brain

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