Damn that Bill O'Reilly!! He's figured us out. That's right, he knows exactly what we're up to. We're after him. He represents everything we're against. We can't stand him. We especially hate it when people from meager beginnings overcome terror perpetrated by abusive alcoholic fathers, pull themselves up from the dreck that is their life, and make something useful of themselves. And if that's not enough, is Billy Boy smart, or what? I mean, think of the sneaky, underhanded things that we were up to that he uncovered. I can't even get a piece of sushi or cafe latte without getting a suspicious glare.
Alas, the jig is up. Just when we thought we could hit him with a sexual harassment suit and use the extortion money to help fund the Kerry campaign, he figured out that we, the left, are behind all the charges. We're not really sure where we went wrong. Could it have been the vibrator that was turned on by pushing the switch to the left? Or that the hotel we lured him to was conveniently located to the left of the donut shop. Or that all the hookers we sent him always asked him to sit on the left side of the bed.
The bottom line is, we've never cared about George W. Bush. It's Bill O'Reilly we're after. That's right. We're more concerned about him than anything else. We don't care if George W. Bush controls the White House and basically rapes the rest of he country. No, we have bigger fish to fry. We have Bill O'Reilly. Did you hear me. Bill O'Reilly. All of this talk about the current administration screwing up is just a smokescreen. No, we're just after Bill. Why? Well, because Bill stands for fair and balanced, no spin. And we can't stand that shit. And, we have nothing better to do than waste our time on him.