The Peach

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Baron's Brain: Bush's Energy Plan

With the cost of fuel rising at the pumps and current plans for alternative fuel sources floundering, the Bush administration came up with a bold new strategy to cure this country's energy woes. GIANT HAMSTERS!!

That's right, in a speech given at a Small Business Admnistration event, Bush initially had listeners leaning forward with curious anticipation when he, seemingly out of the blue blurted out the phrase, "Why think small when you can get big?"

Then, as the audience sat in a state of shock and awe, he explained how we could handle the whole "steroids in sports" problem while simultaneously feeding this country's insatiable appetite for power. With his hands frantically mapping out an idea he stole from a six-year old kindergarten student, Bush drew out how giant wheels with large belts attached to generators could be driven by steroid enhanced hamsters. He then showed the audience the estimated size of the necessary hamsters.

Though the audience seemed alarmed not only by such an ambitious idea, but also by the possible co-existence with giant rodents, Bush reassured the crowd that Homeland Security agents, armed with tranquilizer guns and shreds of cardboard, would be on 24 hour watch for the public's safety.

He concluded by lamenting the fact that all this country needs is imagination and initiative to move forward, and that anything, including convincing a nation to go to war, can be made into a reality.


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