The Peach

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Friday, May 06, 2005

Eric Idle For President

Former Monty Python member Eric Idle has recorded a truly brilliant ditty in honor of the FCC. Readers can go to his site and give it a listen. And when you're done, make sure you share it with the rest of your friends and relatives.


If anyone wants to know what kind of Republican receives a 100 percent rating on the American Family Association's scorecard, The Peach suggests they follow the story of Republican Congressman Don Sherwood. It seems "America's largest pro-family action site" gave the perfect score to the 64-year-old Pennsylvania representative while he was in the midst of a torrid 6-year-affair with 29-year-old Cynthia Ore of Rockville, Md.

The affair, which began one year after Sherwood won the congressional seat, was exposed when Ms. Ore called 911 claiming that Sherwood began choking her while giving her a back rub. Since the incident Ore has hired a law firm to protect her from retaliation by Sherwood and/or other personal or party associates. Ms. Ore stated that Sherwood "loved me" but that he had "to stay married to get elected."

In 2000, while supporting the eliminaion of the "marriage penalty" tax, Sherwood said "we ought to be doing more to support marriage instead of penalizing couples." It appears now that Don will be facing both sides of that statement: attempting to support his marriage while being part of a penalized couple.

"Republicans In Denial" List Just Keeps Growing

Further evidence supporting The Peach's hypothesis that many anti-gay Republicans are so because they are actually gay has, uhhh, come out. James E. West, Republican mayor of Spokane, Washington and a foe of gay rights, has been accused of molesting two boys a decade ago and of using his political office to court young men on a gay online chat room.

Mayor West has denied the molestation charges, but, to no surprise to The Peach, acknowledged he "had relations with adult men." The Peach supposes that the Mayor is denying the molestation charges on the grounds that the boys "looked older" than they actually were.

West, a former (get this) Boy Scout leader and Army paratrooper, is said to have offered a City Hall internship to what he thought was an 18-year-old-man on the Web site The Mayor used the aliases "Cobra82nd," in reference to his Army Airborne unit, and "Right Bi-guy" to chat on the Web.

During a news conference addressing the allegations West stated, "I am a law abiding citizen," but refused to take any questions. As for reasons why he would go to, he said:
I can't tell you why I go there, to tell you the truth . . . curiousity, confused, whatever, I don't know.
Confused? Jimmy, it's time to put on that fruit bonnet and make like Carmen Miranda. You're gay and heading down "sous americain whay." Ayyii, Ayyii.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bush's Defense Exposed

Not to push Laura's lament of George "milking a male horse," but it seems that Bush's manliness is beginning to shrivel when it comes not only to his self-arousing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but ultimately America's overall military capabilities.

In a leaked classified report, General Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told Congress that the US would be unable to win any new wars as quickly as planned. Even so, Myers tried to reassure Congress that the US military in time could defeat its enemies as long as there are enough soldiers, tanks, aircraft and warships to do the job.

Not so fast, General. Army figures and interviews with senior military officials have disclosed that the active-duty Army is in danger of failing to meet its recruting goals and is suffering from manpower strain. Meanwhile, in an attempt to keep fresh soldiers out in the field, the Army is reducing the number of days between sign-up and boot camp by 50 percent.

Those officials concluded that '05 in Iraq will be a test, but doable. The concern is whether the Army can supply a seasoned, rested and ready force into '06. With only half the number of recruits in the pipeline compared to last year, and every day the Iraq war becoming less attractive to youngsters, it seems the Army is again reaching into their bag of 40 and 50 year old reservists in a seemingly futile effort to juice up the military.

These conclusions cannot be comforting for Bush's "Texas Ranger-like" persona. With the current onslaught of publicity suggesting emasculation and those nagging picutures of him holding hands with the Saudi prince, it can only be further embarassing when he discovers that the chambers of his "revolver" are actually empty.

The Peach wonders if the lights are beginning to dim on Mr. Entertainment's sock-puppet show.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Wingnut Smackdown!

No sooner had The Peach pressed "publish" on the post below, when we learned that the Traditional Values Coalition was claiming a hoax had been pulled. "Wait!" you say. "Wasn't that the 'Coalition for Traditional Values'?" Yes, and there's the rub. It seems that two extreme-right, nearly identically-named organizations, one apparently somewhat wing-nuttier than the other, are now engaged in a very public cat fight over the First Lady's wifely submissiveness.

The Traditional Values Coalition (TVC), headed by Rev. Louis P. Sheldon, claims that the organization found Mrs. Bush's jokes highly entertaining and not in violation of Biblical injunctions against women jesting in public about their husbands giving hand-jobs to horses. The group further asserts that the letter sent out by the very similarly named Coalition for Traditional Values (CTV), headed by Pastor Roy DeLong, is a hoax and part of "an ongoing campaign of harassment" by CTV against TVC.

Pastor DeLong, for his part, thinks that both the First Lady's humor and TVC's approval of same are anything but amusing. The Swift Report quotes Pastor DeLong as commenting, "If the Traditional Values Coalition thinks it's funny for the most important woman in America to mock the traditional family structure, I guess I'd have to disagree."

For its part, The Peach is not sure what to think. Of late, so many far-right groups have overreached to the point of becoming grotesque caricatures of themselves (the Family Research Council's "Justice Sunday" burlesque comes to mind). We're not sure precisely how someone would determine whether the TVC/CTV flap is a hoax in the true sense, or just a natural progression of contemporary right-wing extremism, to a kind of operatic, self-parodying theater of the absurd.

We hope someone with investigative resources in the SCLM, if not the blogosphere, makes the effort to find out, even though determining the truth may be harder than squeezing milk from, er, a horse.

Newsflash: George and Laura Not Extreme Enough for Theo-Wingnuts

You know you're in an alternate universe when George and Laura Bush come under fire from extreme right-wing Christians for sins ranging from insufficient wifely submissiveness to gay marriage.

We thought only the mockers and scoffers on the left had picked up the supreme irony of George W. Bush and the Saudi prince, romantically romping hand-in-hand through the White House garden. But we were wrong. Those sharp-eyed Christian Coalition-types noticed it too, and were horrified for the same reason that the Peach was laughing its fuzzy head off -- those two looked GAY!

In this week's Time Magazine, Gary Bauer expressed the outrage of his constituency thusly, "It was like fingernails scratching on a blackboard, magnified 10 million times. You wonder if the folks at the White House have any idea of the impact an image like that has out in Middle America."

Today, it's Laura Bush coming under fire from members of the same far-right constituency that believes it put her husband in the White House and should therefore be entitled to replace the Constitution with its weirdly-interpreted Bible. Why are groups like the Coaltion for Traditional Values mad? Apparently Laura Bush's roast of her husband at the other night's White House Correspondents Association dinner demonstrated an unacceptable public breach of the Biblical commandment that wives must be submissive to their husbands.

In a press release issued yesterday, the group put it in these stark terms: "[A] virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but she that maketh him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. We would imagine that President Bush is feeling pretty rotten right now."

The Coalition went on to suggest that the First Lady was "emasculating" the president at a time when, the group claims, his manliness "is already under attack" (The Peach can only guess that they're referring to, ahem, the little incident with the Saudi prince).

Today, the Coalition is claiming that the statement attributed to them is a hoax perpetrated by a liberal-generated computer virus. However, it's hard to escape the observation that the statement is indisinguishable in tone and purport from a similar letter that the group does not deny sending to Bush prior to his inauguration, requesting that the Bush twins dress in "modest" attire. That letter concluded that the twins in the past had "like Jezebel, painted their eyes and decked themselves with ornaments to entice men to commit adultery with them." If the latest statement is not from the group, it was certainly written by someone who has their signature style down pat.

Is all of this a precursor to the wheels of the "radical right-wing" train coming off? The Peach can only hope that events like this place these extremists under greater scrutiny and, ultimately, expose the hypocrisy they represent.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Let's Make A Deal?

You're not going to believe this, but according to this report from, Donald Rumsfeld's latest trip to Iraq wasn't just to shake hands with coalition forces. It seems Rummy paid a visit to his old friend, Saddam Hussein and asked him if he would like what's behind door number 3.

According to the London based Al-Quds Al-Arabi daily newspaper Rumsfeld offered Saddam freedom and a possible return to public life in return for a televised request to armed Iraqi terrorists for a cease fire with coalition troops. It is said that Saddam rejected the offer.

The Peach is somewhat stunned that this administration would allow Rumsfeld to make such an offer to someone they hold in such low regard. It stinks of desparation and gives the insurgents further assurance that they are in fact winning.

If the story is true one would think Saddam would accept the offer considering the alternative: execution. The Peach suspects he may be holding out for that plasma TV set or, even better, A BRAND NEW CAAARRRR!!!