The Peach

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Abstinence Only Pregnancies?

In a report that makes The Peach wonder if "just say no" means "don't stop," an Ohio school board is expanding sex education after the discovery that 13% of one high school's female population were pregnant. Out of the 490 female students attending Timken High School in 2005, 65 were to discovered to be with child.

The Canton school board's abstinence only program will now include teaching students who decide to have sex to do so responsibly. The program will be renamed either "Don't do it! But if you do, here's Mr. Love Glove" or "I'm saving myself till the next trip to the pharmacy."

Monday, August 14, 2006

And The Cubs Will Win The World Series

Proving that his brain is still on vacation, Bush made the delusional announcement today that Israel defeated Hezbollah in their month long Middle East war. He then commented on Hezbollah's claims of victory, in his typical pot-calling-the-kettle-black fashion, by saying that Hezbollah has (are you ready for this) "a fantastic propaganda machine, and they're claiming victories." Doesn't a line like that just set off all the hypocrisy bells in the world.

What makes all of this even more bizarre is that while Bush was making his fantastical proclamation, PM Olmert declared the offensive to have suffered "shortcomings" and a poll of Israelis found that 52% felt Israeli forces had been unsuccessful in its Lebanon offensive.

It's times like this that The Peach wants to take a deep look inside Bush's ear and see if anythings moving in all them cobwebs.

Baron's Brain: I Haven't Done Any Work . . .